For several weeks if Brad or I asked our 3-year-old daughter who she would vote for, she would reply, "Barack Obama."
The other night, completely out of the blue, she walks into the kitchen where her Daddy was and said, "Okay Daddy, I will vote for John McCain."
I'm thinking about sneaking her into the voting booth with me.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Our Weekend
We were out of town this weekend. Went to Alabama to see Brad's parents. It is getting easier to make the trip now that our daughter is getting older. I never enjoyed traveling with a screaming baby. There's few things in this life that are worse than that.
While we were there, we got to see alot of cousins that we don't normally see. We went to lunch with about 20 family members to celebrate the birthday of one of Brad's cousins. It was nice except we went to a Chinese restaurant and Chinese food is my least favorite. I didn't complain though - I was just glad to be there!
We got to see Steven's wife and daughter (Steven is in prison, remember?). They came over to my mother-in-law's Saturday afternoon and visited and stayed for dinner. They seem to be doing pretty well. We didn't talk about Steven that much, although he was mentioned several times of course. Apparently he has hit the wall of "God let this happen to me, and I'm mad as hell about it." His wife is worried because the last letter he wrote was full of curse words and that is sooo unlike him. I suppose this is just a stage he has to go through. Their daughter turns 6 today, the first birthday her Daddy will not be there. I'm sure it was a hard day for all of them.
Brad is still waiting to hear about the job he interviewed for. Friday will be a month since he interviewed, and the man told him it would be a month before he made a decision. So we're just waiting. Waiting. Waiting. That's all we've done the last few months it seems. Wait on God. Wait on man. Wait on God some more.
I am praising God that my husband has been clean from porn for 9 months! That may be the longest he's ever been, I'm not sure. If it's not the longest, it's close. I try not to think about it too much, but sometimes I can't help but wonder if this is it, is it really over, or will he have another fall? There's no way for me to tell, that's for sure. I'm just giving him to You, God. I'm giving Him to You.
Well, I wish I had something else interesting to say, but I am literally about to fall asleep at the keyboard. (And it's only 9:30pm, I'm getting old)
I hope everyone had a great day, and I hope your marriage is stronger today than it was yesterday.
While we were there, we got to see alot of cousins that we don't normally see. We went to lunch with about 20 family members to celebrate the birthday of one of Brad's cousins. It was nice except we went to a Chinese restaurant and Chinese food is my least favorite. I didn't complain though - I was just glad to be there!
We got to see Steven's wife and daughter (Steven is in prison, remember?). They came over to my mother-in-law's Saturday afternoon and visited and stayed for dinner. They seem to be doing pretty well. We didn't talk about Steven that much, although he was mentioned several times of course. Apparently he has hit the wall of "God let this happen to me, and I'm mad as hell about it." His wife is worried because the last letter he wrote was full of curse words and that is sooo unlike him. I suppose this is just a stage he has to go through. Their daughter turns 6 today, the first birthday her Daddy will not be there. I'm sure it was a hard day for all of them.
Brad is still waiting to hear about the job he interviewed for. Friday will be a month since he interviewed, and the man told him it would be a month before he made a decision. So we're just waiting. Waiting. Waiting. That's all we've done the last few months it seems. Wait on God. Wait on man. Wait on God some more.
I am praising God that my husband has been clean from porn for 9 months! That may be the longest he's ever been, I'm not sure. If it's not the longest, it's close. I try not to think about it too much, but sometimes I can't help but wonder if this is it, is it really over, or will he have another fall? There's no way for me to tell, that's for sure. I'm just giving him to You, God. I'm giving Him to You.
Well, I wish I had something else interesting to say, but I am literally about to fall asleep at the keyboard. (And it's only 9:30pm, I'm getting old)
I hope everyone had a great day, and I hope your marriage is stronger today than it was yesterday.
Monday, October 13, 2008
A Small, Guilt-Filled Rant
My friend and I had a great time working the booth at the State Fair for Operation Christmas Child. We talked to ALOT of people. Some had never heard of it, so we got to tell them all about this great ministry! Others who passed by had been participating in this ministry for years, so they got to tell us all about it! It was a fast four hours. Next year I hope to work more at this booth. I would love to work it with Brad. This would definitely get him out of his comfort zone. He has a hard time talking to strangers (funny, since he is desperately wanting to become a marriage counselor, huh?).
I am still in my "spiritual funk." How do you pray to get out of the funk when you can't seem to pray at all? No matter, I desperately want to reclaim the intimacy God and I once shared.
******************
Before I start this rant, let me say I love the church. The church as a whole, and my individual church. I love my church. I really do. But, there are a few things that are driving us crazy right now.
For example, the lack of true worship. We're sick of people "playing church"-us included. In fact, we could write the book on it. The title could be, "How to Appear Happy at Church When You Are Miserable."
For another example, passion. Passion about anything. I don't care if someone is passionate about sweeping the fellowship hall - I would just love to see some passion in this church. Now that I think about it, true worship and passion could be one in the same.
And for the last example, and perhaps the most dangerous of all, a pastor that cares. Oh dear God, please do not strike me down for typing that. But let me explain. Back in January, Brad and I sat in our pastor's office and poured our hearts out. Well, we didn't get into all the gory pornography details, but nevertheless, we told him our marriage was in trouble and that we needed help. We had hit rock bottom and wanted to let him, as our pastor, know it. We got the I'm-not-sure-what-to-say-but-I'm-sure-everything-will-work-out talk. He prayed with us, and I left somewhat encouraged, but apparently I left with the wrong expectations.
You see, I left expecting a phone call the next week or maybe the next month checking up on us. Or maybe I expected the occasional question about how we were making it. Perhaps I just expected any little sign that our conversation had not been totally wiped from his memory by some sort of freakish amnesia event. But, as I'm sure you can guess, my expectations were all wrong.
We have had no questions from our pastor about the state of our marriage, no phone call, no just-checking-in-with-you-guys conversation. Nothing. Would he have even cared if we got divorced?
Now, our marriage is stronger now than it was in January. So if he asks now, I would have good news to share with him. Maybe he thinks he can tell this from the "outside" and feels there is no need to ask and bring up old memories. Wrong. Also important to remember, since January, my husband has felt the calling of the Lord to be a marriage counselor. So if he is going to be a marriage counselor, that means we must have everything figured out, right? Wrong.
Let me share this tidbit of information from someone who has been there. It is never wrong to ask someone how their marriage is going. Because believe me, if their marriage is not going well, they are dying inside for someone to ask, someone to care, someone to give a whit whether their marriage makes it or crumbles around them. On the other hand, if their marriage is going great, they will also be glad to share that with you and maybe give you some good advice.
When Brad and I were at our worst, I would have given anything, and I mean anything, to have had just one person come alongside me and say, "Your marriage is important. Don't give up" But no one did. (I'm not counting my online friends - I don't know what I would have done without you guys - I'm talking about in-the-flesh people). Now, there is the argument that I didn't allow people to know enough about our hard times. And this may be true. Because remember, we were researching for the aforementioned book.
I am not sure what I wanted to accomplish with this post. I suppose asking for prayer would be a good place to end. Pray that this bitterness toward my pastor goes away. I do not want to hold any negative feelings against this man. I want to uplift him and encourage him and respect him as the leader of my church. But right now all I want to do is walk up to him and yell, "I'm getting a divorce. Thanks for all your help!"
************
P.S. As mentioned earlier, I am in a sort of spiritual downturn. I'm having a hard time "connecting" with God right now. Maybe these feelings toward my church are the result of that. Maybe if I were where I was supposed to be with God, I would not be feeling angry with my pastor. Maybe. But maybe not.
P.S.S. I am feeling quite guilty as I am about to post this. How dare I speak negatively of my pastor....Lord, forgive me. Is this the unpardonable sin?
I am still in my "spiritual funk." How do you pray to get out of the funk when you can't seem to pray at all? No matter, I desperately want to reclaim the intimacy God and I once shared.
******************
Before I start this rant, let me say I love the church. The church as a whole, and my individual church. I love my church. I really do. But, there are a few things that are driving us crazy right now.
For example, the lack of true worship. We're sick of people "playing church"-us included. In fact, we could write the book on it. The title could be, "How to Appear Happy at Church When You Are Miserable."
For another example, passion. Passion about anything. I don't care if someone is passionate about sweeping the fellowship hall - I would just love to see some passion in this church. Now that I think about it, true worship and passion could be one in the same.
And for the last example, and perhaps the most dangerous of all, a pastor that cares. Oh dear God, please do not strike me down for typing that. But let me explain. Back in January, Brad and I sat in our pastor's office and poured our hearts out. Well, we didn't get into all the gory pornography details, but nevertheless, we told him our marriage was in trouble and that we needed help. We had hit rock bottom and wanted to let him, as our pastor, know it. We got the I'm-not-sure-what-to-say-but-I'm-sure-everything-will-work-out talk. He prayed with us, and I left somewhat encouraged, but apparently I left with the wrong expectations.
You see, I left expecting a phone call the next week or maybe the next month checking up on us. Or maybe I expected the occasional question about how we were making it. Perhaps I just expected any little sign that our conversation had not been totally wiped from his memory by some sort of freakish amnesia event. But, as I'm sure you can guess, my expectations were all wrong.
We have had no questions from our pastor about the state of our marriage, no phone call, no just-checking-in-with-you-guys conversation. Nothing. Would he have even cared if we got divorced?
Now, our marriage is stronger now than it was in January. So if he asks now, I would have good news to share with him. Maybe he thinks he can tell this from the "outside" and feels there is no need to ask and bring up old memories. Wrong. Also important to remember, since January, my husband has felt the calling of the Lord to be a marriage counselor. So if he is going to be a marriage counselor, that means we must have everything figured out, right? Wrong.
Let me share this tidbit of information from someone who has been there. It is never wrong to ask someone how their marriage is going. Because believe me, if their marriage is not going well, they are dying inside for someone to ask, someone to care, someone to give a whit whether their marriage makes it or crumbles around them. On the other hand, if their marriage is going great, they will also be glad to share that with you and maybe give you some good advice.
When Brad and I were at our worst, I would have given anything, and I mean anything, to have had just one person come alongside me and say, "Your marriage is important. Don't give up" But no one did. (I'm not counting my online friends - I don't know what I would have done without you guys - I'm talking about in-the-flesh people). Now, there is the argument that I didn't allow people to know enough about our hard times. And this may be true. Because remember, we were researching for the aforementioned book.
I am not sure what I wanted to accomplish with this post. I suppose asking for prayer would be a good place to end. Pray that this bitterness toward my pastor goes away. I do not want to hold any negative feelings against this man. I want to uplift him and encourage him and respect him as the leader of my church. But right now all I want to do is walk up to him and yell, "I'm getting a divorce. Thanks for all your help!"
************
P.S. As mentioned earlier, I am in a sort of spiritual downturn. I'm having a hard time "connecting" with God right now. Maybe these feelings toward my church are the result of that. Maybe if I were where I was supposed to be with God, I would not be feeling angry with my pastor. Maybe. But maybe not.
P.S.S. I am feeling quite guilty as I am about to post this. How dare I speak negatively of my pastor....Lord, forgive me. Is this the unpardonable sin?
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Catching Up
Still no news on the job. The man told Brad it would be a month before he made a decision. It's only been two weeks. The waiting is hard.
I haven't gotten a peace one way or the other about this job. I'm just letting the Lord work it out I guess. Or maybe I have new-job fatigue. We go through this process every couple years or so. The only reason this job is more on our minds is the fact that it would double Brad's income therefore making it more plausible for him to go to school.
To be honest, I've been in a spiritual funk the last few weeks. I am finding it hard to pray, read my Bible, and even attending church feels like a chore right now. Do you ever feel that way? I hate it--I really do. It's such a gradual falling away, and then one day you wake up and wonder if God even remembers your name.....
Brad and I are at a decent place right now. Not great, but not horrible. Just in the middle. Like everything else in our life. Not wonderful, not horrible. Just average.
I am going to our State Fair this afternoon with a friend of mine. We volunteered to work in a booth telling people about Operation Christmas Child. If you are not familiar with Samaritan's Purse and this ministry, please check it out at http://www.samaritanspurse.org/ and click on the flying shoebox logo on the right side of the page. This is a fun and easy ministry project that impacts children around the world. Please check it out! I'm sure you'll be hearing more about this from me later.
Hope everyone has a great weekend. Stay strong.
I haven't gotten a peace one way or the other about this job. I'm just letting the Lord work it out I guess. Or maybe I have new-job fatigue. We go through this process every couple years or so. The only reason this job is more on our minds is the fact that it would double Brad's income therefore making it more plausible for him to go to school.
To be honest, I've been in a spiritual funk the last few weeks. I am finding it hard to pray, read my Bible, and even attending church feels like a chore right now. Do you ever feel that way? I hate it--I really do. It's such a gradual falling away, and then one day you wake up and wonder if God even remembers your name.....
Brad and I are at a decent place right now. Not great, but not horrible. Just in the middle. Like everything else in our life. Not wonderful, not horrible. Just average.
I am going to our State Fair this afternoon with a friend of mine. We volunteered to work in a booth telling people about Operation Christmas Child. If you are not familiar with Samaritan's Purse and this ministry, please check it out at http://www.samaritanspurse.org/ and click on the flying shoebox logo on the right side of the page. This is a fun and easy ministry project that impacts children around the world. Please check it out! I'm sure you'll be hearing more about this from me later.
Hope everyone has a great weekend. Stay strong.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Fireproof - Go See It Now!
Unfortunately I did not get to see Fireproof on the all-anticipated opening weekend because we were on our camping trip.
Brad arranged for a babysitter (after several reminders that he had promised to do so), and took me to see this movie last night.
This is a gotta-see-now movie. My eyes are swollen this morning from crying. I swear the people at Sherwood have had hidden cameras in my house for the past three years and then wrote the script from their footage.
It is powerful. It is sad. It is funny. It is unpredictable. It is worshipful.
It will evoke emotions in you that you thought might have been buried. I know it did for me. It brought back the pain, but in a good, healing way.
If your marriage is not in a good place, go see this movie. If your marriage is in a good place and you are struggling to keep it there, go see this movie.
You will not be disappointed.
Brad arranged for a babysitter (after several reminders that he had promised to do so), and took me to see this movie last night.
This is a gotta-see-now movie. My eyes are swollen this morning from crying. I swear the people at Sherwood have had hidden cameras in my house for the past three years and then wrote the script from their footage.
It is powerful. It is sad. It is funny. It is unpredictable. It is worshipful.
It will evoke emotions in you that you thought might have been buried. I know it did for me. It brought back the pain, but in a good, healing way.
If your marriage is not in a good place, go see this movie. If your marriage is in a good place and you are struggling to keep it there, go see this movie.
You will not be disappointed.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Our Weekend
Hey everybody! We had a great time on our camping trip! Even though we were not far from home, it was nice to get away from the house and the "real world" for a while. The kids had a blast. My son caught a fish while fishing with his uncle. My daughter played on the playground right by our camper. Brad and I played alot of tennis and rode bikes together. The last picture is of my little girl after we got home. She slept like that for quite a while! Too cute!
His interview went well. It was a long one, about three hours. He had to take a six-part test, everything from spelling to grammar to science. He took the test before he actually had the face-to-face interview. He did really well on the test, actually Brad scored more than the man interviewing him did. Maybe that counts for something. Brad has no confidence that he will get this job. He does not feel like he has the experience they are looking for. If he got this job, his income would double. Yes, double, what he makes now. We could get out of debt and start paying for school. But, the bad side to this is that he would be away from home two nights a week. There's all kinds of things to be said about that. I don't like it at all. I'm sure you can understand why.
I will keep you updated on the job. The guy told Brad it would be a while before he made a decision.
Hope you enjoy the pictures. I'm still not that adept at knowing how to post pictures, but I'm learning as I go. Thanks for thinking of us this weekend. Love you guys!
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