The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I hope my readers, if I have any, are patient people. This is my first post on my first blog. So I guess you could say I am a novice at this. I have enjoyed learning more about the blogging process, but I have a whole lot more to learn. Like our lives, this is definitely a work in progress.

I had never even read a blog before November of 2006. Didn't really have a reason too I guess. I suppose I had heard of them but had assumed they were for people who knew more about computers than I do. But in a desperate attempt to find someone, anyone, who knew what I was going through, I stumbled into the world of blogging. I found out that I was definitely not the only one struggling with a husband struggling with porn use. In fact, there are whole communities out there in "cyberspace" dedicated to the careful and oh-so-important recovery of us wives. Yes, we need recovery too. You are important. Your husband's addiction is not your fault. It actually has nothing to do with you. And he would still look at porn no matter if you were a supermodel yourself. These statements are easy to say, hard to believe.

Reading and creating blogs has not been the only change in my life since November 2006. There have been many, and most not near that creative. I guess the most common sense discovery I made that keeps coming back to me is this: Addicts lie. I hate to think of my hubby as a liar, but he perfected this trait with many, many years of practice. Now we are rebuilding. Rebuilding trust is very hard to do, sometimes I think it impossible. But we are giving it our best try, and my hubby is really trying.

After discovering my hubby's addiction, I was thrust into a world I never knew existed. I like to call it the underworld of sexual addiction. I am almost envious for those innocent days when I did not know terms such as "the addictive cycle," "the rollercoaster," "codependent," "acting out," "sexual anorexia," and "triggers." However, if I had not lived through this, my marriage would not be as strong as it is today. In a strange way, my hubby's porn addiction is the best thing that has happened to our marriage. Now we are real. Good or bad, we are real. Does he still have slip-ups? Yes. Do I still feel like throwing in the towel and kicking his butt to the curb? Yes. We have by no means figured this whole thing out, I don't think you ever really do, but we are definitely farther along than we were this time last year.

This blog is about living with a recovering porn addict. The good, the bad, and the ugly.