Could This Be Possible?

I don't know if I will have time to do this post justice. My mother-in-law is coming into town this afternoon for my daughter's birthday party (the big 3 years old!). I need to get alot of things done, but I wanted to post about what's been going on here.

It's simple yet complicated. Clear yet confusing. Exciting yet terrifying.

Let me start with a conversation that happened about five years ago. My hubby was working at a sales job. This job required him to travel across the state and be gone from home a couple of nights a week (not a good idea for porn addicts). At first, we thought this was the dream job. The truck, the cell phone, the flexible hours, etc. But there was one problem. My hubby hated it. It was so out of his comfort zone, and he never felt he was pleasing his bosses. So as has happened with EVERY job he has ever had, he started the grumbling about a year into it. By two years, he was so miserable it was depressing.

As his wife, I had been tolerant of his changing jobs, but I was getting a little weary of the process. Anyway, he called me one day while traveling and told me he was headed home. What? He was not due back for a couple of days. He told me he had just quit.

Deep breath. You did what? "I quit, and I'm coming home." The conversation was surprisingly benign after that. I think I was in shock; however, I do remember one thing he told me. While bemoaning his career choice, he told me he felt like God was calling him to do something. Yeah, right. That is a bunch of crock. How could God be calling you to do anything? You are just wanting a different career/job, and I don't want to hear anything else about it.

Fast forward to today. Hubby's had a few more jobs and has ended up hating each one. He has been at his current job for two years (which seems to be the record) and hates it too. Nothing fulfills him.

When his addiction came to light, we thought that was the problem with his job situation. He just never felt "good enough," and he has never had a job he was really good at. Furthermore, he always found a way to look at porn at work and when the stress got to be too much, he would almost sabotage himself, and therefore feel the need to leave.

But could there be more? I mean, could God be working through all of this to show us that He does have more in store for us?

Through different people, events, and circumstances, I am beginning to believe that hubby might have been right all those years ago. Maybe God is calling us to some sort of ministry (even typing that word makes me nervous). I just know this, I cannot go on with a hubby who is constantly looking for something that he cannot find. He is miserable, and in turn makes me miserable. It is like he has a yearning deep in his soul that he cannot make go away. The question is this, Is that yearning from God or is it just another attempt by hubby to make himself feel "meaningful?"

Please pray for us. Hubby and I talked last night and for the first time, I sensed the determination in his voice. He has decided if he does not surrender this to God and become obedient, he will NEVER find the peace he is looking for.

So what is the next step? I have no idea! Talk to our pastor? A friend? I don't know. I do know I'm glad I had you guys to share this with and would like any advice you can give.

Please pray for us to know God's will and then do it.........