Hubby's Visit

Hubby went to visit his cuz in prison this past weekend. He says it was very emotional for both of them. I will try and describe to you what he said it was like.

Of course when you arrive you have to be processed. Hubby had already been approved as a visitor, but there were more forms he had to fill out once he arrived. Everyone had to have a picture on file, and since this was hubby's first visit, he had to have his picture made. Once they were done with the processing, they were put in a line. Every other person or so would be pulled to the side and patted down. They would go through one door and stop until everyone was in and the door was closed behind them. Then the next door would open and so forth.

The visiting area was a room about the size of my house (which is pretty small). The visitors were taken in and asked to find a seat. Then they sat and waited for their family member/friend/prisoner person to enter the room. Hubby estimated 200 or more people were in there by the end of the day. All talking at the same time with concrete floors and walls. The echo was almost unbearable. And there was absolutely no privacy. You just pulled up a couple of chairs and sat and talked to each other.

The saddest thing to me was the fact that Steven (that's not his real name, but just for the sake of the story, I'll call him that) could not get up once he sat down. The visitors could get up and move around, go to the vending machine, bathroom, etc. But the prisoners came in the room, sat down, and could not get back up. If they did, they were escorted back to their cell. This saddened me. I'm not sure why exactly. I guess it just hit home that they have absolutely no freedom. None.

They visited for about two hours and then the call came for all visitors to leave. The prisoners stood on a line and were escorted out the back door to a place hubby never got to see. Steven had told hubby that he would be strip searched after he left. Again, no freedom, no privacy.

Yes, Steven broke the law. He was online chatting with what he thought was a minor but all the time was the FBI. Steven is not a bad person. In fact, he is one of the best people I know.

Therefore the purpose of this post: This can happen to anyone. If it can happen to Steven, believe me it can happen to you or your hubby. I would have never dreamed in a million years that Steven would be there. Not a million years. I believe if every would-be-sex-offender or would-be-criminal of any sort had to tour a prison, it might act as a great deterrant.

Now I must speak of how this has affected my hubby. I asked him point blank how this has affected his recovery. He said there was a positive and a negative aspect. Of course, the positive aspect is just what I mentioned above. He sees what can happen if you allow your lust/flesh to completely take over and he does not want to lose his family and end up in jail. Great reasons to continue in an active recovery! On the other hand, it is very depressing. And the sadder my hubby gets, the more disconnected he becomes from me and all the guys in his group. The more disconnected he becomes, the more isolated he becomes. The more isolated he becomes, the more he feels inadequate. And boom. He acts out.

Now this has not happened and I pray it does not. But he is certainly at the depressing, sad, and disconnected stage right now. We've hardly talked at all this week and when we have tried to talk we both ended up with bad attitudes toward each other.

I do have a praise though! On the way to the prison, there are two adult bookstores with huge flashing red XXX signs inviting you in. I had forgotten all about the fact that hubby would have to pass these. (I missed a great opportunity to worry!) :) Nonetheless, he made it past them, but said he was quite anxious. He called his accountability partner and talked to him until he was past the exit.

On a completely different and lighter note, I have a cousin in the hospital having a baby boy right now! Hopefully soon I'll be getting a phone call saying baby boy is here and healthy. I'll let you know!

Have a great day everyone.