This blog will be somewhat vague in order to protect any one person's identity. Please understand this as I try to tell this story with little to no details.
I've been wanting to blog about this for a long time, but I felt that out of respect and privacy for the couple, I could not. However, after yesterday, I feel it necessary to tell their story in order to deter others from going down the same path. At the same time, it is a wonderful story of God's grace and answered prayers.
I know a couple. They live in another state. Dear, dear friends of both my husband and me. Several months ago, we received devastating news that the male (I will just refer to him as "the male") had been arrested. I will not tell you the exact charge, but it was a crime of sexual nature involving the internet.
Shock. More shock. We were in shock. We could not believe it. This guy was a Christian man with more morals in his pinky than in my whole body. How could this have happened? Well, I think we know how. Internet porn. That's where it all started.
An interesting side note to this story: The day before we received the phone call about his arrest, I wrote in my journal the following words: "Today I pray for the Lord to send someone my way for me to help. A wife who needs ministering to." The very next morning the phone rang with the news of "the male's" arrest. I knew who I had to talk to. I had to talk to his wife.
Six days later, I called his wife and from that point on, we have been talking weekly. Her life has been changed forever. And I mean changed down to the smallest detail. She quickly filed for divorce as I think we all would, but after much prompting from the Holy Spirit, felt the Lord calling her to stay with her husband. Her church family and her family have pretty much shunned her for this decision.
So back to yesterday. Yesterday was his sentencing. My hubby and I went. None of his wife's family came. How sad. I sat next to her while the sentence was handed down to her husband.
Although he will spend years in prison, the sentence was lighter than we all expected, so we are praising God for that. I am also praising God because when we exited the courtroom, the few family that was there, along with the lawyer, all joined hands in a circle and "the male" led us in prayer! He had just been sentenced and he was leading us in prayer. Amazing.
They are hoping to write a book about their experience which is definitely not over yet. His wife will have alot of hard days ahead of her, but she is a strong Christian woman determined to make their marriage work.
My hubby has been strongly affected by this whole matter as you can imagine. And sitting in a courtroom listening to a lawyer explain how this slippery slope was all started in motion by internet pornography was a sobering experience.
Husbands, this is a serious addiction. Don't think the above story could not be about you and your wife. It could be. It could easily be.
Wives, do not for a moment think you are "overreacting" to his pornography use. This is a serious addiction with serious consequences.
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3 comments:
I certainly feel for your friend. I know pretty much how she is feeling. My h was also arrested. He asked a girl, who turned out to only be 16, to pose for him to create his own web site. She turned him in to the police and after them having her tell my h she agreed to do this and setting up a time to meet they arrested my h. He, only by God providing the bail money through my boss, got out of jail after the weekend. He got out on Christmas Eve. My kids just wanted there Dad back for Christmas. It was scarey to go out to the store for the first time after this came out on the front page of our local paper, and we live in a small community. Thankfully for us though, the church did not shun us. There was actually only one person, that I ever noticed, that couldn't get away from us fast enough when she saw us. After a while I did have people call to see how we were doing, but I really think it took them awhile just because they did not know how to react. I also received several cards from member of the previous church we had attended and the church I grew up in. I have always found it interesting that the first person to call and see how I was doing was a friend that I can't say isn't a Christian, but was not currently attending church. We had invited her, but she didn't want to go. So not exactly sure where she stood. But she was the first person to call, so your friend is lucky to have you on her side. Our life is getting back to normal after 7 year. Thankfully my h only received probation and no jail time. He also does not have to register as a sex offender. While on probation he could not be around minor children. For a time he couldn't even be around our own children alone, I always had to be present. That was hard, especially when he couldn't attend school activities that the kids wanted him to go to. Thankfully as he progressed in treatment, he was allowed to do some of those things with the kids as long as I was there, and as long as the probation officer and the treatment provider approved all of it. Thankfully God also provided us with a Christian PO and a Christian treatment provider. I am the member of an e-mail group specifically for wives of offenders. If your friend is at all interested please contact me. My e-mail address is zech122@yahoo.com.
Hi Amy,
Can I hijack your blog for just a moment?
D-! It's the other D-! I looked at the comments and it said "d said". I'm like, "What did I say? I didn't even read this one yet?" Too funny. Got your email. I'll email you later tomorrow.
Sorry for the interruption, Amy.
Yes, this is such an insidious disease. Seemingly harmless, yet pure poison. My neighbor even laughs about her husband's porn use. I don't see the humor in it. It destroys lives. It destroys families. I just want to shake her and say, "Wake up! Your husband has a problem!"
Wow, that he had the strength to pray after being sentenced. That IS amazing!
I'm glad God was able to use you to help this woman and her husband. They will undoubtedly need support in the coming months from people who understand. It's not always easy to find that level of understanding in an existing circle of friends, as we all probably know. I had to take that uncomfortable step of reaching out to strangers for support. How awesome that someone she knows really comprehends what she is going through. God is good!
D#1: Thanks for sharing your story. Unfortunately, our friend will have to register as a sex offender even though he never went through with the actual act. I am very interested in sending on the information of the e-mail group to my friend. Maybe she will find support there.
D#2: How funny! Thanks for your comments as well. I cannot imagine having the attitude of your neighbor; however, I can't help but wonder if that is not just a cover-up for her real pain deep inside. I can't say I know exactly how my friend is feeling, but I guess I don't have to. Thankfully, my hubby never got into any legal trouble with his porn use, but some of the basic feelings of deceit, anger, and hopelessness are the same despite the details of the situation. We are going to try to support them as best we can. Thanks for your words of encouragement.
Amy
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